Everyone knows Santa Claus, the jolly bearded man who blesses children around the world with presents every Christmas. We know that he lives at the North Pole, he’s married to Mrs. Claus, he has a team of elves who make toys, and he even has a magic sleigh flown by a fleet of eight reindeer. That being said, there’s a lot we don’t know about Father Christmas.
Looking at Santa Claus and his work schedule, it’s safe to assume he’s a golfer, and quite frankly, I believe he’s a stick. You don’t believe me? Consider the evidence.
Here are my Top 10 Reasons Why Santa Claus Could Be a Stick:
Only works one day per year
Santa has to deliver presents only once a year, so he has plenty of free time to spend on the golf course, on the driving range, or practicing putts on the putting green. This free time allows him to really focus on his game and sharpen his skills.
Elves who make him the best gear on the market
The elves who work hard all year building the newest iPhones, televisions, PlayStations, and all the other kid favorites could certainly create the most advanced clubs on the market for Santa to pack in his golf bag.
A sleigh that takes him to any golf course at a moment’s notice
In order for Santa Claus to deliver presents to every believer’s house in one night, he uses his magic sleigh equipped with reindeer. With that logic, he could get to any golf course at any given time. For all we know, he could be at Pebble Beach right now for a quick nine.
John Daly-esque body type allows him to hit the ball farther
Although Santa’s diet includes more milk and cookies than McDonald’s and Diet Coke, he and John Daly are built quite similarly. It wouldn’t be hard to imagine that Santa’s large build means he can put a lot of power behind his swing and really hit the long ball.
Jolly attitude keeps him mentally in the round
He’s known as a jolly and kind guy with a laid-back demeanor. I think this combo would work to his advantage on the course by keeping him level headed and focused on the shot at hand. All average golfers know that attitude can be the difference between achieving your scoring goal and wanting to sell your golf clubs.
Uses an elf as a caddie
With an entire army of elves at his disposal, he would have his most trusted elf caddy for him. Having someone to give yardages, carry his golf clubs, and help him find errant shots in the fescue would give Santa Claus a huge advantage on the course.
Santa Claus is immortal
For hundreds of years, Santa has been delivering his gifts to all on Christmas Eve. All these years of practice mean that he’s had more time to play golf than anyone. I would like to imagine that if I had hundreds of years to work on my golf game, I would be considerably better than I am now, after only a decade of playing the game.
Uses the best swing coaches and instructors
If you’ve ever taken a golf lesson, you know that it can take your game to the next level. Now imagine getting a lesson from the same person who teaches players like Tiger Woods. With his celebrity status, Santa Claus could certainly pull some strings to get a lesson with the instructors who teach the best in the world like Butch Harmon, Hank Haney, or Sean Foley.
Can finish a round in record time
By strapping his clubs to the back of his sleigh, he can get from shot to shot in no time at all and much more efficiently than a golf cart. You don’t have to worry about being stuck behind this senior.
Uses magic to his advantage
How does a hefty guy with a sack of toys fly around on a sleigh powered by reindeer and fit into every chimney in the world in one night? With magic. The same magic could get him out of that divot in the middle of the fairway and give those putts that stay up on the lip the extra oomph they need to drop into the cup. Eliminate those tough breaks from your round, and you probably have a personal best!
Now, do you believe Santa Claus is a stick out on the golf course? His elves, on the other hand, are what we would consider hacks. They’re like a lot of us common golfers … stuck at work while their boss plays golf!
