After much study and consternation (none of which helped), I have finally figured out how to solidify my financial future, and I did it simply by watching television.

The result: I have decided to have another kid.

This moment of enlightenment hit me as I became somewhat mesmerized watching Charlie Woods, son of Tiger, hit majestic shots time after time during the recent PNC Championship.

The kid is 12. Twelve. I have socks twice his age. In most states, he can’t consume an alcoholic beverage for most of the next decade. He’s not even close to driving. A car, that is. A golf ball? Yes, he can do that.

I hadn’t really thought of a child as a financial investment until I watched Charlie and envisioned the stacks of money that are likely to be deposited into his accounts over the coming years. It seems that in most cases kids are sort of the opposite of a financial investment; that is to say they drain money out of your accounts like pirates on a drunken rampage in a river town.

Of course, it is possible that Charlie’s golf skills could decline and that his ability to earn vast amounts of money might never develop. I would be willing to bet the other way, however, because I have seen him, through the magic of television, hit iron shots that were so crisp and deadly that grown men had trouble describing them via various media outlets.

Did I mention that he’s 12?

There must already be any number of potential sponsors stalking Tiger in anticipation of writing a huge check in return for Charlie wearing their signage on the course.

He’ll need to keep his amateur status for a while, of course, because he’ll likely want to accept a full ride to play golf at one of the better university programs (Stanford, maybe?). After that, there might be no limit on this kid’s future.

The only potential catch is that professional golf hasn’t been kind to sons of greatness. Some second-generation players have done well, but none has matched the big-time accomplishments of their fathers.

It’s quite clear that Charlie, should he pursue the professional game, will be under the sort of pressure that would buckle the knees of most players. He didn’t show any of that in the PNC, but maybe he’s too young to understand the full nature of what’s ahead.

To my glee and eternal thankfulness, my kids have done well, but none has reached a financial level to be able to support the old man. 

This is why I need a Charlie – or maybe a Charlene — in my life.

I can pay for the beginner clubs and the golf lessons. After that, kid, you’re on your own.

Gotta hurry, though. I’m anticipating the need for some expensive medications down the road.

Mike Hembree

Mike Hembree is a veteran journalist who has covered a variety of sports for numerous publications and websites, including USA Today, Fox Sports, TV Guide and The Greenville (S.C.) News. He has written 14 books and has won numerous writing awards at the national, regional and state levels. He is a seven-time winner of the National Motorsports Press Association Writer of the Year Award.