As a child, weekend mornings were reserved for watching cartoons with my sister. Similarly, weekend afternoons meant watching golf with my dad. Cartoons and golf made up the bulk of my television viewing back then, and both were filled with larger-than-life characters. From He-Man to the Transformers, from Nicklaus to Norman, every weekend our tiny screen was filled with endless entertainment.
At a young age, I realized that replicating the adventures of cartoon characters was improbable. As an adult, much to my dismay, I realized that replicating the feats of pro golfers was even more unlikely. Sure, a magic sword seems hard to believe in, but a driver that can hit 300-yard bombs down the middle? That is crazy talk. But I digress.
In honor of Stick and Hack launching its very own comic series, Hack Mulligan, let’s take a look at some legendary characters and the golfers they remind us of.
Captain Planet
An admittedly odd concept of the early ’90s, Captain Planet was an all-powerful superhero that would appear when the Planeteers combined their elemental powers of Earth, Wind, Water, Fire, and Heart. If they instead combined the elemental powers of driving, iron play, short game and putting, they would have created the all-powerful superhero known as Tiger Woods.
Bart Simpson
Everyone’s favorite Springfield resident is a perpetual child who will never grow up. He is forever talking trash, refuses to conform, loves a good prank, and yet remains beloved by all. Strap a set of calves on him and we have everyone’s favorite bomb-hitting, 50-year-old man-child: Phil Mickelson.
Bender
Bender, for those who don’t remember, was the robot from Futurama described by another of the show’s characters as an “alcoholic, chain-smoking, degenerate gambler.” Let’s face it, Bender was a pair of Loudmouth golf shorts away from actually being John Daly.
Charlie Brown
Brandt Snedeker. I’m not really even sure why. They both seem very nice, but I could totally see someone pulling the football away as Brandt ran up to kick it.
Scrappy-Doo
Widely considered the most annoying cartoon character of all time, Scrappy-Doo single-handedly ruined one of the best cartoons of my childhood. He was loud, obnoxious, and disliked by all. I’m looking at you, Patrick Reed. (Honorable mentions go to The Great Gazoo and Sergio Garcia.)
There is no shortage of great golfers or great cartoons, so perhaps we may do another round of Golfers as Cartoon Characters. For now though, in the immortal words of Porky Pig, That’s All Folks!
Do you know a cartoon-character/famous-golfer comparison we didn’t include? Let us know. We’ll consider including it in another round of “If Golfers Were Cartoon Characters.” Want more from Steve Reynolds? Check out his takes on golfers as sitcom characters.
